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AITA for not inviting my coworker to my wedding because of her diet restrictions?
I am not OP. That is u/Unlucky-Girl749 who posted r/AITAH

Original Post Aug 25th, 2024

I am getting married in a few months, and I’m currently finalizing the guest list. I work in a small office, and we’re a pretty tight-knit group, so I decided to invite most of my coworkers. There’s one coworker, let's call her "Jane", who I get along with well enough, but we’re not super close.

Here’s the thing: Jane has a lot of very specific diet restrictions. She’s vegan, gluten-free, and allergic to a bunch of common ingredients like soy and nuts. Whenever we have office lunches or potlucks, it’s always a bit of a challenge to accommodate her, and sometimes she just brings her own food because it’s easier.

When I was working with my caterer to plan the menu for the wedding, I realized how difficult (and expensive) it would be to create a dish that Jane could eat. I was already stretching my budget, and the thought of spending extra money to accommodate just one guest felt overwhelming.

So, I made the decision not to invite Jane. I felt bad, but I rationalized that we’re not that close, and I’d rather avoid the stress and additional cost. I didn’t mention anything at work, but word got out that I was inviting other coworkers, and Jane noticed she wasn’t included. She confronted me about it and seemed really hurt. She said she thought we were friends and that she would have been happy to bring her own food if it was an issue.

Now, some of my coworkers are giving me the cold shoulder, and I’m wondering if I really messed up. I didn’t want to make her feel excluded, but I also didn’t think she’d want to come if I couldn’t accommodate her diet.

AITA for not inviting Jane to my wedding because of her diet restrictions?

Update - I’ve realized I was the asshole Aug 27th, 2024

Hey everyone!!! I didn't expect my last post to get a lot of reactions so...this is an update to this post.

First, I want to thank you all for your honest opinions on my original post. It’s been a few days since I posted, and I’ve had some time to reflect on the situation and your responses. After reading through the comments (and honestly, after sitting with my own thoughts), I’ve come to the conclusion that, yes, I was the asshole in this situation.

I won’t lie, it’s not easy to admit this. When I first made the decision not to invite Jane, I genuinely thought I was being practical. I convinced myself that since we weren’t that close, it wouldn’t matter much to her. But in doing so, I completely overlooked the fact that this isn’t just about logistics or budgets. It’s about relationships and how our actions, even those we think are small, can have a significant impact on others.

I realize now that by not inviting her, I wasn’t just excluding her from a celebration, I was sending a message that she wasn’t worth the effort, and that’s not the kind of person I want to be. And here I was, making her feel unwelcome because I didn’t want to deal with a bit of extra planning.

After the post, I decided to reach out to Jane directly. I apologized for not inviting her and explained that I was wrong to let my stress and budget concerns get in the way of our friendship. Jane was surprisingly understanding and appreciated the apology. We had a good talk, and while I’m not sure if I can undo the hurt I caused, I’m hoping we can move forward from this.

I’ve also realized that sometimes, the effort we put into our relationships, especially during significant moments like weddings, is what truly matters. It’s not just about who’s closest to us but also about making people feel valued and included.

So, for anyone out there planning a wedding or another big event, take it from me. Don’t get so caught up in the details that you lose sight of the people who matter.

Thanks again, everyone, for helping me see this more clearly. I’ll do better from now on.

I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts